It’s been a while! As you have probably already noticed, I haven’t made a peep on social media or showed up in your inbox for about 4 months.
I’ve been taking some time and space for self-care.
I’m coming out on the other side of a massive energetic clearing that was triggered by my return to diversity and inclusion work this past April.
The work uncovered some of my racialized, intergenerational, and ancestral trauma that was ready to come up to be healed.
I experienced acute anxiety and depression on a level I had never felt before.
Feeling our collective pain-body of slavery, colonization, racism, sexism, and misogyny in my body and waking up to my own internalized oppression was the biggest heartbreak of my life. I was disgusted with humanity.
I had never been more disappointed with the world.
The cruelty, contempt, and dehumanization permeating our discourse around racism and other systems of oppression felt like too much to bear.
All my relationships shifted at once in different directions, threatening my sense of safety and belonging. I felt disoriented and isolated. It was actually quite scary.
Even with all of my coping skills, specialized knowledge, resources, and privilege, the darkness was so overwhelming that I considered suicide.
I contemplated checking myself into a hospital for treatment. Ultimately, however, I decided to take medication to take the edge off the worst pain at first but then move into exploring alternative healing modalities for relief.
The medication did help. I felt calmer and was able to finally get some sleep. I stopped taking them after a week but continued with herbs and CBD.
I increased my visits to my energy healer and acupuncturist to once a week and received my first Reiki treatment.
I am now a HUGE fan of cupping. It gave me instant relief from some of the terribly painful grief I was feeling. It was as if it sucked negativity out of my body. More on this later...
I reached out to supportive friends and family and began going to Agape International Spiritual Center twice a week for services and meditation, as well as joining their activism and women’s ministry.
As I started to feel better I began thinking about how much money I was spending on my healing. I’m not going to lie - it was a lot.
I wondered what other women of color could do to ease their suffering when they did not have the same access to the same resources and knowledge that I did.
I asked myself, “what do I have available to me now, that I already possess, that can support my healing? In what ways can I heal myself? In what ways can women heal each other?”
I was guided back to the breathwork, energy, and jade egg practices I had learned in my training as an Integrated Love, Sex, and Relationship Coach at the Tantric Institute of Integrated Sexuality.
Using my intuition I created an empowering healing plan for myself to begin to dismantle internalized oppression that addressed the body, mind, energy, and spirit.
I’ve always been a highly sensitive person, but working with Tantric and Taoist practices over the past couple of years has increased my somatic (body) awareness - making me even MORE sensitive.
A significant milestone in this holistic healing journey for me has been starting to fully own an aspect of my identity that I’ve been wrestling with for most of my life.
I am an emotional empath.
I feel other people’s energy to the point that I have to practice disciplined energy hygiene just to function.
I’ve had to re-design my life and work around this reality, which I actually now feel is a gift.
I require a lot more quiet time, a lot more alone time, a lot more space.
I meditate more. I pray more. I sing more.
I am so thankful for my spiritual community, family, and friends.
Thank goodness for my partner, Loren. It hasn’t been easy for him.
So, to sum it all up, I’m on a holistic healing journey of dismantling internalized oppression. It will be a lifelong practice of unlearning and remembering.
However, I am determined to show, through my creative work and the way I live my life that healing is not only possible but something we MUST endeavor to do, individually and collectively.
I firmly believe that healing our collective pain-body around slavery, colonization, racism, sexism, and misogyny is the next necessary step in order for humanity to transition to the next level of evolutionary consciousness. This process must be holistic, trauma-informed, and a spiritual transformation at its core.
To that end, I’m facilitating a Women of Color Healing Circle at WMN Space in Culver City, CA from 7pm to 9pm on August 22nd, 2018. Click here to learn more and save your spot. Space will be limited to 20 participants. Tickets are $25.00.
Thank you for your support, patience, and understanding during this difficult time yet transformative time.
Peace, love, and blessings,