Are you “fierce” or “fearful” in relationships?

This week Loren and I started looking for a new place to call home. While we haven’t found the perfect place yet, it’s been quite an adventure so far!

Assessing the available options together has enabled to get to know each other even better, as each of our “wants” and “needs” for a living space has come into clearer view.

What’s important to me? What’s important to him? What’s important to us? Where is each of us willing to compromise for the other? These aren’t easy conversations to have, but they are so vital for the health of our relationship.

Speaking of “difficult” or “fierce” conversations, I initiated one in the very early stages of our relationship. After only dating for a very short time, I asked Loren what his dating objective was.

I was certain that I was dating to be in a committed relationship and since we lived about an hour away from one another, I wanted to find out whether or not we were on the same page.

At the time I really, really liked him but I wasn’t ready to call him my boyfriend. However, I did know that I was absolutely NOT available to drive that far to spend time with someone who didn’t have the same dating objective.

I decided to broach the subject while we were enjoying a lovely dinner be prepared for me out on his deck in Long Beach. I simply asked, “what are you looking for right now when it comes to dating? Are you dating casually or are you looking to be in a relationship?”

Of course, since we are still together a year later, his answer was, “yes, I’m looking to be in a relationship”.


A few years ago, I would have been so nervous about having that conversation. On top of being unconscious to the fact that I actually wasn’t sure what I was looking for, I see now that I was mainly seeking validation from an external source. I was afraid to be alone and didn’t see that I deserved to have exactly what I wanted.

Before Loren, I dated a number of men that were not right for me. Sadly, back then I wasn’t very discriminating. All the guys were nice enough, but I overlooked the ways were incompatible because I just wanted someone to love me.

My conversation with Loren was an easy one, not just because he and I ended up on the same page, but because I was certain about what I wanted, had the confidence to express it, and wasn’t afraid of walking away if I didn’t get the answer I needed.

When it comes to sex, love, and relationships, the ability to have “fierce” conversations is essential.

If you desire some support in this arena, I can help. Book a FREE Breakthrough Session with me here to get clarity on whether or not you need to have a “fierce” conversation with someone and how to go about it in a way that is truly productive and allows both parties to thrive.

All my love and gratitude,

Heather xoxo


P.S. Ready to magnetize your soulmate to you? I can help. Book a FREE Breakthrough Session with me here.



Heather WilsonComment